Archived for Posterity...

"I'm not going to speculate. I hope things get better ... but I have no idea what 2020 holds. I'm almost afraid to guess."

 

Wow.  Just... Wow. Sometimes I do think I can predict the future. Thinking Will Arnett would make a good Batman? BAM! LEGO Batman movie. Idly speculating about why no one comments on the fact that Batman and Superman's mothers are both named Martha, the day before BvS premiered? Well, to quote Maggie Mae Fish, "Save Martha!" Telling someone in a years-old comment thread that I found The Dark Knight Rises disappointing because Batman's starting point is akin to "Luke returning to the farm after defeating the Empire?" That... nothing like that actually happened. Canonically, Luke restarted the Jedi Order, married, had a son, and forged a dynasty of Jedi Masters that lasted for at least a hundred years ABY. But I digress...

 

Anyway, year in review...

Let's pick up a few days after last year's post. It's leap day, we're taking the dogs on a walk and Brinley, our biggun, falls into a flooded creek. Probably the worst thing that could probably happen to her.

Later that night she was hit by a truck.

Relax, she's fine; dislocated a hip, required surgery, but she's back to normal now. Still, hell of a way to start the year (I start in February for arbitrary reasons).

Then, early March, Felicity's mom passes away. We knew it was coming, had known for a while, but it still hurt, especially since Felicity had just lost her dad. She's doing better now, but it was still a blow. Next up on the timeline...

Well, you know. The world ended. 

Yeah. You know how it went. We managed to keep our jobs and stay healthy, but... well, 2020. You know.

Round about May Felicity and I got married. Hooray! But even that wasn't without its troubles. Charlie, a shi-huahua mix we inherited from Felicity's mom, shit in his cage overnight. Emergency clean. Hooray! Then Brinley got out and went missing for a while. Got her in and in her cage. Hooray! Then Spuds tracks dirt on the bed. Hooray! Finally, at last, it's wedding time; the ceremony is in our back yard, with a selection of close friends and family (this is still COVID time after all). My sister is bringing out the dogs just before Felicity is scheduled to walk the aisle, and we notice Brinley's covered in blood. Upon closer inspection we find several deep gashes on her chest that we still have no idea how she got or how we didn't notice them earlier. Current speculation is that she ran through some barbed wire while loose. Anyway, we hide her inside, have a hurried wedding, and then it's off to spend the honeymoon at the emergency vet. Hooray!

From there, things are pretty quiet. I got hired on as a location sound mixer for a webseries pilot; it was supposed to shoot in December but was pushed back to March. I shot a quarantine-themed short film that I'm still fiddling with (should be out soon) and, despite lofty promises in the last episode of more content in the coming year, Toys on the Inside is on hiatus. Why? That brings me to the other thing I usually talk about in these posts...

My weight. 

Toys on the Inside lost a couple months of production time to... well, most everything above, and by the time I could possibly get back to it, I had started to lose weight. Like, a lot. I've finally done it you guys, I finally cracked the code. The secret to weight loss is - get ready - diet and exercise.

Oh.

As of today I've dipped below 220, and since there's only forty more pounds to go until goal weight, I figured I'd pull off a dramatic reveal for Salman. Same reason there's no pictures here: Raising the stakes, putting in more drama. You look at me now and you're like, "Oh, sure, he's lost some weight." But at the end of the day, I'm still a big guy. Think Seth Rogen instead of Jorge Garcia. I'm holding out for an Ethan Suplee reaction. Look for new episodes late Spring, early Summer. 

And with that, I sign off. I won't wait a year before posting again; I've got transformation photos to post, little bits of Toys on the Inside to post as they come out, that short film I mentioned. And what do I have to look forward to in 2021? Again, I'm loathe to speculate, but I know I'll be healthier for sure.

Archived for Posterity...

Fuck. Just... just fuck.

So, 2019. Or as I like to call it: 2018, pt. 2.

First off, this is my first State of the Human written on a different laptop. My workhorse from 2011 went out a couple weeks ago, but I was able to wrangle an emergency backup for a couple hundred bucks, so that's nice.

From this post last year to September, I can't remember much. Lots of medical stuff. I've got a cpap machine, I got my tonsils out, I got rushed to the emergency room vomiting blood. Good times.

We worked on Secrets we Keep. Got two different people cast as the villain, then they moved away. Got to the point where we were going to get some filmed, then it just... fell apart. Probably for the best, though; middle of summer saw me upgrade to a 4K camera. Kept up with Toys on the Inside, managed to do a video a month, kept to the schedule. Next month is seeing me go up to two a month. Hooray.

Then comes September. Felicity's mom gets lung cancer. Aggressive. She moves in with us, bringing her two small dogs. Aggressive. Things are tough, there's ups and downs, we hold out hope.

Then about a week and a half ago things get bad. Real bad. I don't want to speculate here--I don't know what the future holds--and even though I'm banking on no one reading this for a while, I don't want to hurt feelings so... let's just leave it at bad. I'm rambling, I know, not making much sense. I'm stressed. We're all stressed. It's just bad. You can probably guess why.

And that's basically it. The whole year was kind of hijacked by cancer once again.

Fuck.

In good news, I finally broke the weight barrier. I'm now hovering right around 260. I'm hoping to go lower; when I can I actually eat right and exercise. Haven't done so in the last week and a half, though.

As for next year...

Fuck it. I'm not going to speculate. I hope things get better, and I can look back on these last couple of posts as reminders of bad times gone by, but I have no idea what 2020 holds. I'm almost afraid to guess.

And that's it. If I don't get ambitious with Toys on the Inside or Secrets we Keep and actually post something on this blog, I guess that's it until next year.

Hez out.

Toys on the Inside: Batman Forever Batmobile

I'm proud to announce the first episode of Toys on the Inside, the review show spin-off of Mint in Box! Sit for a spell with Salman from the comfort of house arrest as he shares with you stories from his toy collection.

New episodes first Friday of every month.

Archived for Posterity...

Damn. Just... Damn.

First off, I'm swearing in a non-fictional context on this blog. Damn...

Second... to finish off some business from last year: Mountain of Laughs Festival went well; Mint in Box got a lot of Laughs. Secrets We Keep still hasn't been made, but we've got most of the cast and a little bit of a crew, scripts are printed, and meetings are being held. As I said last year, we should shoot next month.

And now for everything else.

So, it's been a pretty bad year, mostly involving Felicity. That sounds bad; I should probably rephrase that. On the other hand, I feel it builds tension, so I'll leave it as is. All the bad stuff I'll put into chronological order, just to show what a shit-show it's been.

We signed up for a weight-loss program; exercising at an MMA gym, changing our diet. The week after we've thrown out our junk food and stocked up for some healthy cooking, our air goes out. I know, #firstworldproblems, but it's hitting the mid-80s when we cook. We try running the AC just on fan mode, but it gets hotter. When we finally get someone out to look at our unit, it turns out a short has been causing the furnace to turn on just... just constantly. After a month of fighting with the AC guy (he's the only one our warranty will allow) we finally get a new unit, but it's never quite as cold again...

So we're still at the gym. We're not eating right, we're not loosing weight, but we're busting our asses. Felicity isn't feeling well. She hurts.

Then her mom gets appendicitis. Sudden, acute. We rush her to a hospital two hours away, through the mountains. Thanks to a bacterial outbreak in the city's water supply, the hospital can do nothing more than look at her and say, "Yeah, that's bad. You need to go to another hospital." Rush her to the next state over, get her appendix out; doctors say it was on the verge of bursting.

We're still at the gym. We're still not eating right, still not loosing weight, still busting our asses. Felicity still isn't feeling well. She still hurts.

Then her dad is diagnosed with cancer. He's had it before, but it seems pretty bad this time.

We're still at the gym. We're still not eating right, still not loosing weight, still busting our asses. Felicity still isn't feeling well. She still hurts.

She goes to the doctor; what do you know, she's got gall stones. After months of waiting, she finally gets them out.

We finish with the gym. Months of hard work, and nothing to show for it. The year draws to a close...

And Felicity's dad passes away. There's nothing more to say about that. It's rough. I've been there before. All you can do is survive.

After that I go to the doctor to get a full work-up; everyone else has had health problems; I certainly don't need any. I get diagnosed with diabetes.

But not everything was bad last year. We got a second dog, Brinley. She's great; she's huge. I've finally started loosing some weight, thanks to some severe dietary changes; I'm now dipping into the upper 270s.

And ending the recap on a high note, Felicity and I got engaged. Wedding will probably be later this year. That's neat.

So, for next year... Marriage? Kids? Finally finishing a movie? For sure, there's a Mint In Box spinoff in the works. And not hypothetically, either; I've actually filmed a couple of episodes. Other than that, well... That was the State of the Human for 2018. Damn.

Archived for Posterity...

Late again. Latest one yet...

...so. 2017. Most eventful year for me since 2013. But in a good way.

...Alright. So, left J.D. Young, but for reals this time. No going back. Moved away from Tulsa. Moved to Pocola, just outside Fort Smith, AR, where I live with Felicity, Spuds, and our two cats, PRNDL and Clutch. Bought a house. Work nights at a casino. Exciting.

Still sporadically writing. Did a short story, did a new script, doing a novelization of said script. Full Noon is on hold, but all-new project Secrets We Keep should be filming next month. Mint In Box has been accepted into the Mountain of Laughs comedy festival; Felicity and I will be attending. Should be fun.

Things are going well. I don't know, I thought I'd go into this blog post with a lot of wild enthusiasm, as seen in previous years, but it seems more a time of sober reflections. It's been a good year, but a busy year, and the coming year looks to be just as busy. I'm tired, and in need of rest.

Hopefully I'll post again before next year...






...oh, and The Wretched is still available on Amazon; get your copy today!

The Wretched Novelization

Full Noon is currently on hold (as is the way with my projects), but the novelization for The Wretched is finally out for the world to see.  Check out Amazon today to get your copy of the paperback or the ebook.  As a bonus, if you get the paperback, you get the ebook for free!  Head on over and get yours today!

Full Noon, Update 1

As promised a couple of posts ago, I'll be using this blog to keep the world updated on the production of Full Noon.  So: preproduction is underway on Full Noon, a comedy/horror feature film written by myself, my girlfriend Felicity, and her two friends Leota and Ashley.  I'll also be directing, while my co-writers will star.  We've got a script, we've got a budget, and God willing, we'll have a movie this summer.

We're currently in the early stages of securing funding.  A grant/pitch contest didn't pan out, so it looks like Kickstarter is in our future.  Until that happens, I'm going through and storyboarding the film, which is what a responsible director does anyway...

Be on the lookout for future updates, including our fundraising demo and trailer.

Mint In Box

It's out, everybody!  Mint in Box is here!  Check it out now, and if you've enjoyed yourself, please give it a thumbs up and share it along for others to enjoy.

Archived For Posterity...

     
       So, this is a little late...
       Year five of my state of the human.  Wow.  I'm sure twenty years from now I'll look back on this and think, "I remember blogger... I wonder if there's anyway to access that old content.  Anyway..."  Anyway.  Updates on what was mentioned last year: Still at J.D. Young, printing away.  Still have the dog.  Still trying to lose weight, but back up to 291.  Still intermittently editing EHUD, while Dear Sir is on hold.  Haven't sold any short stories either.  In fact, all of the writing is on hold.  Except...
       Screen writing.  I've written and directed (and starred in!) a short entitled Mint in Box.  See that poster up there?  That's it.  And that's my girlfriend Felicity up there; we've been going steady for over a year now, and the plan is for me to move down with her in the next few months.  After the move, I'll be starting a wonderful adventure with her: Writing and directing my first feature film.  Co-written by and starring Felicity and some of her friends, Full Noon is a low-budget (low-low, what some would call no-budget) horror film that we're looking to Kickstart for about $5,000.  More on that as it develops.  On this production, I'll remember that I have a blog, and keep it updated.  Turns out, Felicity has a passion for special effects makeup, and will be creating our creature and giving everyone wounds.
       Okay, anything else... I'm starting to go bald; the front is thinning.   My grandfather died last year at the age of 89.  I just got back from Las Vegas with Felicity; we saw Evil Dead the Musical, and it was great.  The Wretched, the local film for which I wrote the novelization, went through reshoots, and I got to be involved this time.
       So 2017 is looking good thus far.  I look forward to what it may bring, and wish all my readers (some of you must exist, right?) a good year as well....

Mint In Box: The Trailer

I realize now, as I'm about a week away from release, that I should have been blogging my whole experience with making the short film Mint in Box.  Springing from one mass brainstorming session in May of 2016, this film marked not only my return to filmmaking (my first passion, even above writing), but also my most ambitious project to date.  What was meant to be a ten minute quickie ballooned to over twenty, and that was even after I cut an entire scene.  Another first: my first deleted scene.
To do some catch-up: This is the story all about how Salman's life got flipped upside down.  Let me take a minute--just sit right there--and I'll tell you all about how he committed unlawful seizure.  Written for three actors--myself in the lead, brother Caleb as my kidnap victim, and girlfriend Felicity in a secret role, the film was ambitious and, dare I say it, funny.  In retrospect, I probably shouldn't have cast myself in the lead, at least not while I was the only qualified cameraman.  Having to set up framing and then jump back in, hoping the shot was in focus was a huge pain.  Also, having to work around everyone's disparate schedules--Caleb lives in Texas, Felicity damn near in Arkansas--meant that we only got a few shots with everyone in frame, and most shots were done solo, giving the work a rather disjointed feel.  Finally, sister Aubri--the tentative composer--dropped out of the film late in production, forcing me to scramble for music.  Fortunately, the very talented Eric Meyer stepped up, and so this is my first film to feature an original score.  Overall, I think the whole thing worked out.
As I put last minute touches on the film before release, please enjoy this trailer cobbled together from the deleted scene and pieces from the rest of the movie:



And finally, for some of the behind-the-scenes content I should have been blogging all along.  Here is a before and after shot from scene 7, showing the glaring mistake of a script left on my leg, followed by the cleanup.  This is but a number of FX shots that went into the film--all but one of which were the result of carelessness on my part.  Oops...