Tuesday, June 2, 2009

I'll Be Back...

Hrothmeir here! (Who else? Well, maybe my brother; he figured out my password and threatened to hack my blog… but this is really me, I swear.) Anyhoo, I have three big pieces of news. A) After six years of growing out the thickest, curliest hair that I’ve ever seen, in real life or fiction, I’ve cut my hair. I’m almost bald now, and it’s a drastic change. I don’t even recognize myself any more. It’s pretty trippy. II) I’ve started college! Woot! It’s technically my second class, but since I don’t have any other learning going on, this is my first foray into pure college. And now for big news 3) it’s time for the T2: Judgment Day review!

T2: Judgment Day: When I first saw this movie, at age five or six (don’t ask), I really enjoyed it. The big scary German (hey, I was six!) from the first movie was now a good guy, and there was a kid as the main character. Yay! Apparently, I wasn’t the only one to like this film. It was well received by critics, one a few academy awards, and was the best loved of the entire trilogy.
But now I’ve seen it again…
Wow. Old memories die hard. When this film was in production, Arnie went to writer/director James Cameron and said he would only do this film if his character was more family friendly. Umm… I though family friendly only applied in non R-rated films? If you have a movie that unaccompanied minors are not allowed to see, why would you care that it’s family friendly? (Don’t judge my parents!) Anyway, Cameron gave in and so we get to see Arnold Schwarzenegger as ‘Uncle Bob,’ John Conner’s socially awkward but kind and loving father figure. Yes, it is as bad as it sounds. When not being taught by John to be more human, including lessons on using slang and smiling, Bob enjoys firing weapons at people and not hitting them!
And yes, the humanity lessons are painful to watch, not least of which is because the kid is a bad actor. There’s a reason he wasn’t asked back for T3. In fact, I don’t think he was asked back for anything. The only other thing I’ve seen him in was a cheap Christian horror movie, in which he played Jesus, the half-Mexican Antichrist. No, I’m not making that up.
Anyway, while Arnold is busy acting like the titular character of I, Robot, and John is busy just acting, we have the second terminator thrown into the mix. He is T-1000, the liquid metal robot. Yes, he is awesome. Yes the effects were great for ’91. No, he was not relevant to the plot. Sure, he gets the ball rolling, but the movie wouldn’t have suffered had he been terminated five minutes in. The movie isn’t so much about evading him as it is about blowing up Cyberdine and saving the future. In fact, by the time you’re in the second half and the heroes are in Cyberdine’s labs, you’ve forgotten all about poor T-1000. And when they finally blow up the building and save the future, inadvertently killing a new ally they found a while back, you’d be forgiven for thinking the movie was over. In fact, it sorta is over. You have catharsis, the plot is resolved, and everyone is saved. But then another half-hour of pointless chase scenes and action are tacked on. It just doesn’t work. The first movie was definitely a horror-suspense, so the creature coming back felt right, but this one is definitely more of an action flick, so returning the bad guy for more was just pushing it.
So in review, we have: Obnoxious main characters, pointless villains and an overly long end. The character-driven part of the film is ruined. But what about the rest? What about the cheap action?
Well now, that is good. Excellent effects, lots of explosions, and the psych-ward breakout was superbly done. Also, the character of Sarah was actually an improvement over the first. But these good parts couldn’t save the movie from being a dull, overly annoying clunker. C-

Come back later this week for the surprisingly good review of Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines!

1 comment:

  1. "It was now Thursday, and even though he had only gone out for lunch the previous day, John found himself sitting with his family in an up-scale restaurant." I'm a little confuse. Do you mean he had gone out to lunch just the previous day? Or that the only thing he had done the previous day was to go out to lunch?